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The Diary of Man: Frank
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"Dear Diary: Uh, I guess it was inevitable. Living on the Canadian border and watching the slow, deathly walk of those pale and vindictive beings pace along the international zone while staring at our health and well-being. They've always wanted to attack, to own our bounty and sun and comfort. The Canadians attacked 2 days ago. I should have seen it coming... they had been manufacturing snow storms for a week in the middle of Januember, I thought it was just strange weather. No, it was a preparation for their Snow-Mobile-White-Berets and Polar Bear Mounted Divisions. They blitzed across the desolate wheat fields, freezing everything in their path.

Martha, the children and I are hiding in our storm cellar's panic house's guest boudoir. It's only a matter of time before the caviare and champaign run out and we'll be forced to eat each other, or spam. I think little Tina is going to be the first eaten, no one really likes her... but I'm diverging from the point. Canadian thugs are clomping around in our proud Ameridinian home and we have to keep the volume down on our pre-recorded videos of "The Baritones," so they don't know we're down here. We're on Season 4 where Teddy gets suspicious of his left-hand man, Leroy. Don't tell me how it ends.

Anyway, Diary, I have to get going... the other kids are looking at Tina with that ravenous look again. Here's hoping that, someday, this diary sheds some light on the horrific Canadian invasion of Aught-74.

TTYL :)"

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