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War Counseling
Ok, everyone have a seat and get comfortable. I have water and tissues available for everyone, this is a safe place. OK? OK. Lets start easy. How about you? You seem very nice, where are you at right now?

"Me? First, uh. Yeah, well, hello. I'm Canadia. I'm pretty pissed off and I don't know why we have to do this, really. I don't think that you, YOU, have any right to really criticize..."

I'm not here to criticize, I want to hear all of you.

"Sure. Well, I think I have a right to stand tall and be proud, eh? I've been under his shadow for so long and I have every right to assert myself."

"Fuck you, you attacked me"

Ameridine, you'll have your turn. It's Canadia's turn to talk right now

"Fuck that"

"See?! See what I've had to deal with? Ameridine just thinks he's the wonderkind and can do whatever he wants. He's a dick that has no regard for anyone else!"

Do you see how you're words and actions could hurt Ameridine, and cause the same feelings that you feel in him?

"Maybe, but I don't see how that affects what we're talking aboot."

If you understand where Ameridine is coming from and how he feels when you invade him, maybe you can empathize or come to an agreement.

"Excuse me,"

Mongolia, yes?

"I feel like my best days are behind me. I used to pillage and rape and conquer. I think I'm fading into obscurity and no one ever talks to me. You didn't call me first. No one calls. I just sit all day in the home and watch my shows. I want to return to my horseback glory days when I had most of a continent to myself and all the girls looked at me. Sure, nowadays, I could conquer Iceground or whatever-guay but no one would notice. Ameridine has been the big shot for years and I just want to be relevant again."

"See how they gang up?"

But, Ameridine, can you imagine a world where you were thousands of years old and wanted attention, everyone likes a young, strong, handsome country. What happens when you're old and sagging and ineffectual and pathetic

"Excuse me."

I was just trying to make a point.

"I'm not pathetic"

I know.

"I like waffles"

Belgium, let's hear your side of the story.

"I like waffles"

OK, we hear that, but why are you causing pain to Ameridine?

"Corn syrup. I like syrup too. I like playing in it."


Ameridine, have a seat and we'll hear you in a minute. We're trying to hear Belgium.

"I like waffles"

But where does the animosity come from?

"I'd like to make the world into a giant waffle. I want to wear waffle irons on my feet and trample every face I see till everyone is lying lifeless in the streets. I'll pour syrup over everything and devour the world in a sugary feast of reckless abandon. I want to destroy everyone and eat them. I want your spine. I want your trembling panic stricken eyes staring at me as you drown in fathoms of high fructose corn syrup knowing you will die and that I, Belgium, destroyed you and your love ones.
And waffles. I like waffles."

Well. I think this has been a good start. After a few months of therapy, I think this world war can come to a calm and soothing place. There's a lot of emotional work to be done, but I know you can do it!

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